patience

i can't decide whether it has been a good or bad week. without going into more details, i can say that i went through an extraordinary spectrum of emotions. it felt like God's plough plunging to make the deepest marks upon my heart.

some prayers did not get answered according to my desires, and it looks like all the words uttered have fallen into a blackhole. there is no one on the other line. but i think, i have come to see that i was fighting the wrong battle. at least, i didn't know that i was struggling with God Himself. It is God who would not be hurried, who would give the appropriate time needed for His plans to come about. even if i cry and chafe, the wheels of the clock wouldn't turn faster. yet they are turning all the same.

so, i find myself in the oddest of positions. i was worried because it didn't look like God was listening. now i made the discovery that He was answering all the prayers, in His own fashion. God's hands stay the actions of impulse, yet give the impetus for movement. i don't know whether to be alarmed or reassured by this realisation.

and when God finally moves the mountains, be prepared for earthquakes.