whatever happens

when things go wrong , who do you blame?
God? yourself ? or people around you?
in fact i really dont know what do i do when things do really go wrong

yes i don't deny the fact that i was terribly upset , disappointed (what say you) today
it didnt end the way i wanted it , i wouldnt say i expected the best but for the amount of effort i put in i thought i deserved better

maybe to some , i dont deserve as much as others do or maybe they think im just a piece of crap
but i think i've been totally maxed out the past few days for the first time in my life. For not seeing the mistakes i made or whether it was ultimately better for someone else to point it out to me remains a mystery unsolved

so i spent a great deal crying it all out to my friends around me and my housemates and i really do thank God that i have them around me
for suelin who bothered to pick up my call from singapore and hear me cry my heart out
for weihar trying to cheer me up by wanting to get me ice cream and telling me crazy weird things
for michael trying to make me laugh at his not so high level jokes and asking me to revert back to being miss sunshine
for simon who checks on me from time to time
and mingyan who bothers to find out how i am after realising i didnt look/sounded normal
and definitely my family who called to find out how i was cos the first thing i did was to call my mum at her office and cried out to her. I guessed i must have worried her quite abit
for my brother who offered to sponsor me retail therapy, for my dad's constant encouragment
A MILLION THANK YOUS will never express the amount gratitude i feel just by your little actions / words

the past few hours have been a journey i've never exactly experienced
from tears of sadness to laughter of pure joy, of anger and of disappointments
this is one day which will be clearly etched in some deep corner of my memory

for all that You've done, I really thank You for upholding me and keeping me strong somewhat despite all that has happened

miss sunshine never fails to keep herself happy
lets hope that is true or else my exsistence on this earth might probably really be somewhat a joke
at least thats how i feel right now