being old

And so I write. My mind's been racing alot faster these days. I've been piling backlogs of agenda in my mind. I'm thinking about a few things simultaneously and it's making me anxious. It feels like I'm on overdose of caffeine, just that I never had too much coffee and I actually feel sleepy in the lab. The headache now doesn't really help either.

There's just this personal understanding that I need to make my mind slow down. There are endless possibilities, but I only have one mind, two hands and limited waking time. Crawl before you walk. Walk before you run. Or me, in this case.

Amidst all the emo-ness that's been going on, I feel strangely optimistic. It is somehow as if I can feel my form again. A growing understanding of what it means to be me and what it means to overcome myself. My emotions are strangely stable, even though I am susceptible to sometimes feel tinge of sadness, or envy, or jealousy for no particular logical reason. But there's some sort of insulation that's starting to work. There's still no idea of what sort of future I should pursue, but at least I'm content for now. When there is a need to move in any direction, I'm quite confident that I can sense it.

Maybe that's what they mean by coming to age.