summertime

i wonder if, in the dead of winter, the trees give up hope. the feeble sun never seems to come out and night falls at 4pm. this happens day after day. will spring ever come?

but spring always does, sometimes unexpectedly. in the coldness, a whisper of warm breath stirs, the snow stops. an occasional cold snap might return for a short while, but eventually and inexorably, the months turn and a new season begins.

since i am famously impatient, i think i went through more lessons in patience than anyone else. it is a lesson God makes me learn over and over again. so i have been put into situations that sorely test my patience, stamina and faith. the pain seemed pointless then, and incomprehensible. i chafe restlessly, or rail hopelessly against things that i don't like, injustice that i can do nothing about. the hardest struggle though, is the wait in the dead of winter, wondering if things would ever be different, or am i to potter on in the same way until i shuffle off the mortal coil. it is so much harder to be passive than to act.

but spring always comes. sometimes the thawing of the soil takes place imperceptibly and slowly, other times the change is cataclysmic increase in temperature. i have lived enough to realise that changes can come from most unexpected quarters.

the oddest part is, at least in my own life, changes rarely come from my own initiative. people make grand plans for their lives, i live from day to day, mainly because i am too fickle-minded to carry out my own plans for tomorrow. instead, doors seem to open and close, i suppose, when God wills them to. a tiny step or action can set off events that change everything

i like to think that i have become more patient, so, Lord, no more lessons in patiences please! but when the trials do come, let me remember that You see everything. He knows that i want to move, He sees all the circumstances around me, and bides His time, waiting for the right moment to move His hand. i think this is the only way to 'run and not grow weary, to walk and not be faint.'

its summertime